Emotional

Despite the good things happening in my life - I feel quite down this evening.

I had a good practice - better than yesterday anyway!

Getting rid of the attachment to an old partner is so hard. Every time I think I have let him go, he comes back, with stories crying out for my sympathy. I don't doubt that his situation is hell and that he needs consolation, but the time has come to let go. It's hard not to soften, feel sorry for him, give him some attention. At the same time I want to yell at him - IT IS YOUR FAULT THIS DIDN'T WORK OUT - YOU TREATED ME BADLY - LET ME GO...
How long will it go on for???

Plus, a friend is having a hard time, I just hope she can get stuff to work out for her.

During the space of today I have changed my mind twice about my travel plans....

Tonights plan:-

December:
Delhi, Agra, Khujaroa
Goa
January:
Bangkok
Koh Mak ?
Samui ?
Jakarta ?
Cambodia?
February:
Mysore?!?

Arghh, this is the only chance I am going to get to take THREE months off.... I don't want to make the wrong choice.... but yoga is my 'now' - visiting friends can happen any time....

Heavy

Practice yesterday felt like swimming through treacle - not good. I won't say that I didn't enjoy it, but everything seemed like too much effort. Back-bends were quite good - although I probably lay on the mat for at least a minute psyching myself up for them!

Feeling achy today - tweaked my shoulder jumping into handstand, it was even bothering me when I was sleeping - ended up dreaming about yoga too - can't remember quite what anymore though.

Its my teachers advanced class tonight, I want to go, but the electrician should FINALLY be finished tonight and cleaning up my flat would be a delight - I don't often think that either. No, I will go to class.... keep focussed!

My mind is a buzz of travel thoughts .... how do I yoga my way around the world....?

Going with the flow

I love seeing how my body responds to a daily practice, especially after my crap practice for the last couple of weeks due to illness and injury! I was feeling really flexible yesterday - nice. Only three people at class too so C indulged me with some handstand practice.

December and fly to Delhi, returning to London on 1st March 2007. So far my only Yesterday the office provisionally approved my three months off - I will leave London on 4thcommitment is to be in Palolem on 16th December for a week, which is part of my Teacher Training course. We are, of course, expected to stay on and assist with teaching at the retreat for another two weeks after.

Partly, I really would love to go and practice in Mysore, but at the same time, three months away isn't very long and there is so much to see - I would end up spending two months in India, leaving myself only one month for the rest of the world! My teacher doesn't think I should go to Mysore - I didn't really understand her reasons why - it may just be because she didn't really enjoy it - but I know her character well enough to assume that the problems she had with Mysore really wouldn't bother me.

So, now there are decisions to be made and flights to be booked.... where to go, oh, where to go....?

Update

I did yoga all weekend for TT. On Saturday I had to demonstrate for the class - my first crack at the teaching malarkey in front of real paying customers. It was fine, other than a slightly unsteady feeling handstand ~ might have had something to do with the four cocktails I had on Friday night :-S

The blog had taken a backseat for a few days thanks to a fleeting, but now passed MySpace addiction... I now have a load of friends who I have never heard of and a number of messages from people claiming to be interested in handstands or vegetarianism....

Two months till India - I'm getting excited - must start making some proper plans!

Oh, and the electrician STILL hasn't finished off....

Self Perpetuating

One of the things I really love about ashtanga is that almost every practice I do makes me hungry to do more, to get on my mat again, to keep practicing.

I really enjoyed my class yesterday - it was nice to work with my teacher again - she was away for a fortnight on retreat, then last week I was ill and didn't make it to her classes. We did lots of dropbacks, which is great for a stiff back person like me - both my upper and lower back are stiff this morning, but it feels like a reward today!

I was thinking, whilst doing dropbacks, how easy it was to dropback as a kid - backwards walkovers, forwards walkovers, flic flacs, handstands were just a bit of fun. I did them on the concrete in the playground at school, on the grass, in the gym - there was no fear, I just did it. I'm working back towards that now, the fearless thing and the dropbacks anyway! I also used to do crow and bhuja pindasana to amuse my friends - although I hadn't come across yoga; we called Bhuja P monkeycrab!

The electrician should be finished today - fingers and toes crossed! So, it's home tonight, clean the dust off the floor and get my mat back out where it belongs!

I want my flat back

The electrician is now 1 week behind schedule, and by that, I mean 1 week late finishing! I also don't believe that he will finish until at least the end of the week. My flat is covered in dust, there are tools everywhere and I can't even find space to lay down my mat and practice - not good. I just want my space back. The idea that I have to tackle the kitchen next is not one I relish.

In order to avoid hanging around in my messy, dusty space, I worked late last night, then spent the evening with two yoga friends - didn't get to bed till 1am - not good. Yawn.

Hopefully my class later on will invigorate me?!

I was bemused by a comment from my teacher on Monday - she told me I had a very open upper back, I am absolutely adamant that I don't..... in ustrasana I feel like my shoulders are around my ears and that my chest doesn't open at all.... interesting!

I am back and I practiced

The weekend and the wedding were good. I ate FAR too much.

I did a very brief work out at the gym at lunchtime - my lung capacity still isn't up to much following the cold/flu thing I had last week.

I enjoyed my practice, but I felt really heavy. However, I appreciated every stretch I felt in my muscles.

Now, to bed; wading through wood dust and electrical equipment... I think the electrician is as motivated as me.... I haven't done anything on that to do list yet!