Yawn

I am TIRED today. Although the clocks went back and we technically got an extra hour in bed on Sunday, I decided to take advantage of my first totally free Sunday in ages and stayed in bed till nearly midday!!! But I paid for it last night when I couldn't sleep - I was awake till 1, then woke again at 3.30 for an hour.

Practice today seemed exhausting - almost as though I wanted to give up. My body felt unwilling to put up with discomfort. I have been finding that my practice has been bringing up some really strong emotions in these last few days. On Saturday I could have killed someone after class - it really fired me up. Tonight I almost felt tearful. Mentally I have been working through quite a few issues, so I guess it all comes out in the asana practice too.

Tomorrow night I have 'a date' ... OK so I broke dating protocol and asked him out, but it is the 21st Century, and sometimes a woman must take the initiative....

Car Crash Yoga!

My friend from yoga went to see a chiropractor yesterday - she has been having some trouble with back pain. Apparently, after her initial assessment and description of her symptoms, the chiropractor asked her if she had been in a car crash... we both found this diagnosis rather amusing!

This morning I dedicated my practice to non-attachment. Although I was awake at 4.30am considering Patanjali's words of wisdom again, I feel as though my mind is clearer today.

I am glad I have yoga.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Vanessa yesterday - a welcome coffee break in my day of citta vrtti! I hope we can do it again sometime soon!

YOGAS CITTA VRTTI NIRODHAH

I have been waiting for someone to call me - I don't think they will. I found myself starting to analyse this, worry about why this might be? Then it occurred to me how it is that we form an attachment to someone or something we do not really know.

As I analysed my thoughts on this matter I thought of Patanjali's second Sutra and particularly the commentary by Sri Swami Satchinananda.

Sri Swami Satchinananda makes a fine example of a modification of the mind: he makes an analogy with cheese. Effectively saying that once you smell cheese, you won't return to your restful state of mind until the desire to eat has been sated. And I suppose that the point he is making here is that before you smelled the cheese, you didn't feel the need to eat. With yoga we aim to control this.

He also points out how the human mind creates labels for things, his example is the reunification of a child with his long lost father - within seconds, the man, who was once a stranger, becomes a father, really nothing has changed, the man is still the man he was before he was labelled, it is all just a modification of the mind.

I applied this logic to my situation - until I expected a call, I didn't wait for that call. I took solace in this and am letting this attachment go - I am who I was last week, nothing in my life has changed - My perception has changed, some attachment was formed, but I now let that go.

Not a lot

Not much to say here really. On Tuesday my shoulders seemed more open, which may have been due to doing a stint lying over a bolster at C's class on Monday.

Yesterday I felt my left hip was a bit more open, which may have been due to me getting J to stand on my knee whilst I stretched it out on Tuesday.

Must try both of those things again!

Finally feeling alive again after the weekend - It's taken 4 days!!!

Who am I trying to kid....?

I am still knackered - I am kidding myself trying to believe that at very nearly 32 I can party all night on Saturday, not catch up on that night of sleep at all, then function fine afterwards....

Yesterdays body combat class felt hard, and my yoga practice even harder. This morning I turned off my alarm clock at 6.30 and then woke up again to find it was 8.00. Oops....

Having commented on V's blog about Ahimsa, I shall now endeavour to practice it myself and cancel my lunchtime step class. Hopefully that way I will have enough energy for a good practice tonight.

Last night I had a dream that my yoga teacher asked me to stand down from the TT because I was having ego problems and didn't think I could learn anything else from her.... ?!! What is my brain trying to tell me here... be humble, perhaps. Maybe I should try it?

Valiant Effort

The weekends yoga practices were good - I made a valiant effort yesterday and managed to lead an hour long practice with my downstairs neighbour, despite having only had half an hours broken sleep! Even drop backs were OK - think my back is finally loosening up somewhat!

After practice on Saturday, one of my yoga buddies decided to arrange an impromptu evening-do. We had a lovely meal at hers, then we, including my yoga teacher (!) went into Soho for a dance. Had a brilliant time - it is nice to know that being a yogi does impress some people - even if the-ex thought it was akin to being a scientologist!

During our meal I was talking to my teacher about ambition and yoga - refer to earlier posts re. yoga and bets! She agreed that we shouldn't push ourselves beyond our capabilities, but if we were to approach our goals using our own capabilities and practiced santosha, then it was OK!

Yoga in Another Body?

I got up at 6 this morning and practiced with my friend downstairs - my, was I stiff. The difference in flexibility at that time of the morning when I have literally got out of bed and got onto the mat, compared to getting up and getting to the yoga studio is amazing. Obviously, I have noticed that I am stiffer when I practice in the morning, but getting anywhere in London to practice tends to involve a walk, a tube, a bus, another walk and about 45 minutes of time, during which your body does warm up a bit. I felt rather like a pensioner - sun salutations were not even feeling like mine at the end of SNB! In Prasarita Padottanasana, my head must have been miles from the floor, and even getting head to leg in Janu Sirsasana was a bit of an effort. Couldn't really do Karna Pidasana properly - eek. I am glad I did it though, we will endeavour to do two morning practices together per week from now on.

One thing that I did notice this morning was that practicing with out glasses/contact lenses makes balancing really difficult - I am shortsighted enough that I can't really focus on anything much more than a foot in front of me - I ended up putting my glasses back on for the standing balances.

My new mat arrived yesterday - I haven't felt anything like it in terms of grip before, it really is quite something. At the moment it also smells very rubbery - in a rather addictive way too! I noticed doing Surya Namaskar that my feet must usually slip back a bit in transition from chatturanga to Urdhva Mukah Svanasana - with this mat my feet stay exactly where I jump them back to and I feel that my pose is shorter and the lower back stretch is more intense - rolling back over the toes in this short position is more challenging too. However, I don't need to adjust my feet at all in Adho Mukha Svanasana - so its probably all good, and a worthwhile stretch for my lower back.

Yesterdays step- class plan went out of the window when we got evacuated from our office - a crane on the adjacent building site buckled and the police were insistent that we all left, despite being a good 75 meters from the crane... oh well, an afternoon off work was not all bad :-)

My No Yoga Day

In the skewed world of me, Thursday is my day off yoga. This alarmed one of my yoga-buddies who is also doing the TT what, you only take 1 day off a week??? Urm yes, I do try and do 6 practices per week. Thursday is my step day (well one of them) anyway!

I have been thinking about my cardio addiction - a few people have been posting about doing cardio and the subsequent tight muscles etc. I wonder if my step addiction does shorten the thigh and hip muscles - I do have pretty tight hips, particularly my left hip. I always do a lot of extra stretching after class - Prasarita Padottanasana A, Padangusthasana, Hanumanasana and a pigeon variation.

Really good practice yesterday - 6 of us, all advanced, which was great. I was sweating so much though, it was really rather disgusting; L had the heating on, which didn't help the sweating - but I would much rather be hot and sweat than cold! I just wish that you could sweat without coming out of class looking like you have taken a trip through a river!!!

Practiced loads of dropback last night - I hope to be able to come up by myself by Christmas - I just haven't quite managed to get the momentum right yet. I was reprimanded for this though at class - yoga is non-competitive, you shouldn't have ambitions - blah, blah.... ah well. I also have a BET (yes, also very unyogic) on with another fellow yogi that I will never be able to bind Supta K - she recons that by the time I get back from my trip, I will.... there is £50 riding on it.... maybe I could donate the money to charity??? Another thing I would like to be able to do is get into lotus without manual intervention - at the moment my lotus is fine and comfortable, I can bind it, Baddha Padmasana, but just can't get in and out using just my legs... urgh - maybe this is a result of too much stepping too!

Bought a North India guidebook yesterday - need to get my first two weeks sorted!

New Mat

I ordered a new mat yesterday - the rubber Yoga Mad Tree Mat - I possibly mentioned it before, but didn't buy it due to my 'new home owner' financial situation.

The Tree Mat is made from dry Natural Rubber from the Havea Brasiliensis tree, on a 100% cotton mesh. Natural rubber and cotton are degradable making this an ecologically sound yoga mat. The Tree Mat also has the best grip, which combined with good shock absorption and abrasion resistance make this mat unbeatable.
Tested by SGS Laboratories as Heavy Metal & AZO Free and as safe for "food contact substances."to FDA Requirements.

My old Ekotex also 'terribly environmentally friendly' mat has got to a state where I can practice on it no more . By the time I had finished class on Monday I had bits of green 'environemntally friendly, you could eat off this, rubber', on my feet, legs, bum, in my hair etc etc... so the time has definitely come. I'll take my pink home mat to class tonight - it has lasted much better than the ekotex but I prefer the thinner mats at class because they are easier to store.

Hopefully this tree mat will be good...

Better

After the disastrous (OK, that is a bit of an exaggeration) start to my morning yesterday, I did get on the mat when I got home from work. My muscles were really tight - I pushed myself hard on Monday and obviously took myself a bit deeper into the postures. My hamstrings and shoulders were both very stiff, oh and my obliques after a VERY long navasana (C decided we would hold for 10 breaths, but her 10 started after I had already done 5).

It was nice to practice alone just to loosen myself up a bit - modified primary - all of the standing postures, then modified selection of seated postures, concentrating on hamstrings and hip opening.

Feel mostly recovered from the muscle ache today and am looking forward to L's class tonight.

I have been looking into the logistics of my trip - still not quite sure what to do with myself - my teacher recommended a couple of retreats one with Danny Paradise and one with Clive Sheridan, but they fall in February, when I am thinking of going to Mysore.

A couple of friends may join me in India too - I met them at the retreat last year - but they won't want to stay at BK again for 3 weeks, which is rather my feeling too - but I think I would not be flavour of the month with my teacher if I left after the TT week... ohh decisions - I need a year off, not just 3 months!

Hmmm

I went for my morning class today - they have changed it to Thursday.... There is already a yoga class on Thursday, so it seems like a stupid choice to me....

Anyway, nice and early in the office then - will leave here early and practice at home later.... grrr

Not very productive

My weekend was not very productive as far as yoga goes. I went for my Saturday morning class, fresh and ready for practice, but L decided that she wanted me to assist in teaching the class. It isn't that I don't want to assist, but it's annoying having to assist when you are expecting to practice. Had I had a quiet day it wouldn't have mattered much as I would have done yoga at home in the afternoon instead - but I had friends visiting so I couldn't.

The friends visiting resulted in far too many cocktails being drunk and a rather nasty hangover on Sunday, also not conducive to anything more than a couple of sun salutations and some handstand practice.... oopps.

Feel knackered today - hope to get to class tonight, although may need to re-schedule meeting a friend. Will go to the morning class tomorrow.... it's making me tired already!

Too late

How come it's past midnight and I am not in bed....

I have been to a fellow yogis birthday drinks this evening - well she had drinks, lots of, I had one vodka tonic, thinking of my morning practice. Sadly, getting away was not so easy, then an hour long tube ride across London from Camden to get home....

So now I sip a camomile tea and wonder how I might get myself out of bed in 6 hours time.... maybe an evening practice is what is called for tomorrow?

Electrician is finally finished though - hooray! I can start preparing to paint now - yay! Expect photos of shiny chrome plug sockets and my new plant soon!!

Emotional

Despite the good things happening in my life - I feel quite down this evening.

I had a good practice - better than yesterday anyway!

Getting rid of the attachment to an old partner is so hard. Every time I think I have let him go, he comes back, with stories crying out for my sympathy. I don't doubt that his situation is hell and that he needs consolation, but the time has come to let go. It's hard not to soften, feel sorry for him, give him some attention. At the same time I want to yell at him - IT IS YOUR FAULT THIS DIDN'T WORK OUT - YOU TREATED ME BADLY - LET ME GO...
How long will it go on for???

Plus, a friend is having a hard time, I just hope she can get stuff to work out for her.

During the space of today I have changed my mind twice about my travel plans....

Tonights plan:-

December:
Delhi, Agra, Khujaroa
Goa
January:
Bangkok
Koh Mak ?
Samui ?
Jakarta ?
Cambodia?
February:
Mysore?!?

Arghh, this is the only chance I am going to get to take THREE months off.... I don't want to make the wrong choice.... but yoga is my 'now' - visiting friends can happen any time....

Heavy

Practice yesterday felt like swimming through treacle - not good. I won't say that I didn't enjoy it, but everything seemed like too much effort. Back-bends were quite good - although I probably lay on the mat for at least a minute psyching myself up for them!

Feeling achy today - tweaked my shoulder jumping into handstand, it was even bothering me when I was sleeping - ended up dreaming about yoga too - can't remember quite what anymore though.

Its my teachers advanced class tonight, I want to go, but the electrician should FINALLY be finished tonight and cleaning up my flat would be a delight - I don't often think that either. No, I will go to class.... keep focussed!

My mind is a buzz of travel thoughts .... how do I yoga my way around the world....?

Going with the flow

I love seeing how my body responds to a daily practice, especially after my crap practice for the last couple of weeks due to illness and injury! I was feeling really flexible yesterday - nice. Only three people at class too so C indulged me with some handstand practice.

December and fly to Delhi, returning to London on 1st March 2007. So far my only Yesterday the office provisionally approved my three months off - I will leave London on 4thcommitment is to be in Palolem on 16th December for a week, which is part of my Teacher Training course. We are, of course, expected to stay on and assist with teaching at the retreat for another two weeks after.

Partly, I really would love to go and practice in Mysore, but at the same time, three months away isn't very long and there is so much to see - I would end up spending two months in India, leaving myself only one month for the rest of the world! My teacher doesn't think I should go to Mysore - I didn't really understand her reasons why - it may just be because she didn't really enjoy it - but I know her character well enough to assume that the problems she had with Mysore really wouldn't bother me.

So, now there are decisions to be made and flights to be booked.... where to go, oh, where to go....?

Update

I did yoga all weekend for TT. On Saturday I had to demonstrate for the class - my first crack at the teaching malarkey in front of real paying customers. It was fine, other than a slightly unsteady feeling handstand ~ might have had something to do with the four cocktails I had on Friday night :-S

The blog had taken a backseat for a few days thanks to a fleeting, but now passed MySpace addiction... I now have a load of friends who I have never heard of and a number of messages from people claiming to be interested in handstands or vegetarianism....

Two months till India - I'm getting excited - must start making some proper plans!

Oh, and the electrician STILL hasn't finished off....

Self Perpetuating

One of the things I really love about ashtanga is that almost every practice I do makes me hungry to do more, to get on my mat again, to keep practicing.

I really enjoyed my class yesterday - it was nice to work with my teacher again - she was away for a fortnight on retreat, then last week I was ill and didn't make it to her classes. We did lots of dropbacks, which is great for a stiff back person like me - both my upper and lower back are stiff this morning, but it feels like a reward today!

I was thinking, whilst doing dropbacks, how easy it was to dropback as a kid - backwards walkovers, forwards walkovers, flic flacs, handstands were just a bit of fun. I did them on the concrete in the playground at school, on the grass, in the gym - there was no fear, I just did it. I'm working back towards that now, the fearless thing and the dropbacks anyway! I also used to do crow and bhuja pindasana to amuse my friends - although I hadn't come across yoga; we called Bhuja P monkeycrab!

The electrician should be finished today - fingers and toes crossed! So, it's home tonight, clean the dust off the floor and get my mat back out where it belongs!

I want my flat back

The electrician is now 1 week behind schedule, and by that, I mean 1 week late finishing! I also don't believe that he will finish until at least the end of the week. My flat is covered in dust, there are tools everywhere and I can't even find space to lay down my mat and practice - not good. I just want my space back. The idea that I have to tackle the kitchen next is not one I relish.

In order to avoid hanging around in my messy, dusty space, I worked late last night, then spent the evening with two yoga friends - didn't get to bed till 1am - not good. Yawn.

Hopefully my class later on will invigorate me?!

I was bemused by a comment from my teacher on Monday - she told me I had a very open upper back, I am absolutely adamant that I don't..... in ustrasana I feel like my shoulders are around my ears and that my chest doesn't open at all.... interesting!

I am back and I practiced

The weekend and the wedding were good. I ate FAR too much.

I did a very brief work out at the gym at lunchtime - my lung capacity still isn't up to much following the cold/flu thing I had last week.

I enjoyed my practice, but I felt really heavy. However, I appreciated every stretch I felt in my muscles.

Now, to bed; wading through wood dust and electrical equipment... I think the electrician is as motivated as me.... I haven't done anything on that to do list yet!